I'm not sure if my expectation of rejection had anything to do with the abuse I suffered, but in truth, it was at times, so intense that I do believe there must have been some sort of connection.
It didn't matter how great things were going, I constantly saw a failing on the horizon; a failing which was always instigated by others, and never myself.
In normal everyday life, I resigned myself to the fact that people would always leave me high and dry, exercising thir right to drop me like a mouldy potato. It became a prominent part of my life, and although it saddened me in my early years, as life progressed, it became just another chink in the armour that was Simon Palmer.
Of course, by expecting rejection, it usually ensured that it would indeed happen. To this day, i don't know if it was a result of my defences protecting me that made others walk away, or if I simply projected and aura on a subconcious level that pushed people away.
Whatever the case, there were many times when my world was a very lonely place to exist in.
Once I crossed the barriers of emotional confinement, and began to believe in myself, I discovered that the rejection which had once dogged my life was rapidly receeding into the murky swamp from which it came.....
.....and my world was a much brighter place to live in.