Thursday, 6 August 2015

Losing the Hate: The Ripple Effect - Coming Very Soon

Leaving the Void It’s a dark and lonely place, Not a home to be, I cannot see my face, Or any remnants of me. Trapped within the void, Caged by the system, Scared to be annoyed, Stripped of any wisdom. With suicide in mind, I’m left to dine on morphine, My fear and hate entwine, In the NHS indoctrine I’ve often thought of writing another book, but in truth, the overwhelming response I had to “Losing the Hate,” left me somewhat bewildered. To think that people from around the world, thousands of them, literally, took the time to reach out in support, left me dumbfounded. I’m not saying I didn’t receive my share of criticism, but since this was exactly what I’d expected in the first place, it had little effect on me. The positive response, however, changed my life. The validation I received from my readership was completely unexpected, but what surprised me most were the genuine inquiries into my well-being. My readers wanted more, but I was at loss as to what to write about. Nothing would have pleased me more than writing a follow-up book, a “look at me now!” guide, show-casing my many accomplishments, and offering up a list of inspirational resources and reference points to guide my fellow victims of abuse to enlightenment. Unfortunately, on my journey, I chose the road most frequently travelled by victims of abuse, kicking up as much dust as possible along the way. Rather than deal than with my feelings, I repressed them. The ones I couldn’t repress I saturated with alcohol and drugs, allowing my hostility to remain tucked behind a veil of substance abuse. “It wasn’t me, it was the drink!” Even I knew this was a lie, but it was easier than admitting that I’d been triggered, especially, given how little it often took to set me off. Separating my behaviour from my person, and blaming it on an outside source made me, in my own mind at least, appear more reasonable and less responsible for any consequences. I’m not the first to employ this technique, and sometimes it actually works, most especially when the people you’re trying to convince want desperately to believe you. I’m also not the first to experience the long term result of substance abuse, and repressed emotion. If you picked out this book as a self-help alternative, the best I can offer up is an outline of what not to do. Although, in the past few years, I have made some progress, substantial progress in fact, and ironically it’s almost an act of rebellion. Those of you, who read my first book, Losing the Hate, are probably aware that I am rebel. Aging has had little effect on this aspect of my personality. Aging has however, forced me to reconcile with my mortality and my body has become my prison. Before I give you the wrong impression, let me add, my forced slowdown in the form of two heart attacks, has taken me on journeys I would have never expected. When I lost my physical freedom, I had no choice but to reflect on my past and my role in creating my present condition. I’ve also gained some valuable insights concerning both health and spirituality, which I’m happy to share with those of you who continue reading. As I write this introduction, the book of which I speak, has yet to be written, in fact, it has no title at the moment, because in all honesty I have no idea where I’m going with this, I’m literally taking you along for the ride. Since so many of you have expressed an interest in what went on in my life since my writing, “Losing the Hate,” I guess that’s where we begin.

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